When I was a kid I loved watching Wonder Woman. I mean, she could do anything! Flying in an invisible plane, danger and drama! Oh the hair, that smile and the boots! Wow! When she came to the rescue you knew evil would be foiled! No bad guy could stand a chance with that lasso! She would deflect any bullet with those bracelets!
But, we all know this isn’t reality. It’s a fairy tale. I’m no longer a little girl who can play outside for countless hours in the summer sun. Riding my bike to the corner store or down suicide hill. Dangling from the monkey bars or trying to see if my feet could touch the sky while on the swings. I’m no longer that young lady going to youth rally’s or the mall. Writing letters to friends (uh, yes those were the days before the internet) or talking on the phone for hours. I’m no longer the single woman finding her place in this world or just being with friends doing whatever… just being.
I am a mom… not your everyday garden variety mom. I have a child with autism and a speech disorder. Life isn’t simple. Nothing is easy. I have become high maintenance. I loath high maintenance! Everything has to be so-so or we all fall apart. Secretly inside I wish I were younger dealing with this. I haven’t the energy as I once did and I have questioned God why now? Why here? But, I get the same thing every time… silence. I think He wants me to figure it out on my own. Follow the bread crumbs, Amy. It’s not as hard as you think it is. But, really it is!
If you would have told me years ago this would be my life… I would probably say bring it on! I’m tough I can handle anything. Then again, I might have panicked with the thought! If someone would wave a magic wand and she would be “typical” I don’t think I would know how to act. As chaotic as it is, this is my life! She’s my daughter! There isn’t anything about her I would change… unless it would be her food allergies. It’s just a bummer for her!
But, if I did have a magic wand and I could change anything. The only thing I would change is my level of support. I am doing this alone. My Mother is older and not able to assist me like she did my older siblings when their children were small. I am conflicted… I so need to have time to get out of this house. But, I feel guilty just thinking about it. Let’s just say I didn’t feel guilty. Who would watch her so I could go do something for me? Herein lies my dilemma.
With that said, I wanted to let everyone know, in case there was a little confusion about this. I am not a super hero. I am not Wonder Woman. I am not the Bionic Woman.
I am a mom. I am a woman. I am still Amy.
No comments:
Post a Comment