Going forward!

I need drugs... well not really. Although there are times I think I would benefit from being comatose. I have had this tightness in my chest on and off for months. NO, I'm not having a heart attack! I think I would know if I am having a heart attack. It's just I am surrounded by stressful things and people. I'm tired of the drama. I can't help it if I was raised by primates that thrive on stress and chaos. I have tried my best to remove myself from this way of life as best as I can. It always seems to find me. So, upon receiving sound advice from my dearest friend and since I don't drink or do drugs. I am drinking a very strong cup of "tension tamer" tea. I do feel some what better...more relaxed. You know I'll take it!

Lauren had a relapse this week on her diet. Actually her mother failed her. I thought I would try something she hasn't eaten since she started this diet to see if she could have it. Oh mercy... she is like the old Lauren. I hadn't realized how much better she had been. All of the autistic behaviors are back with a vengeance. Eyes dilated, the "shhh" noise she makes between clinched teeth, grinding her teeth and the hyper-motoric behavior is back also. Well I know not to do that again. Poor girl. I gave her a Melatonin and put her to bed. Hopefully it will help her to sleep through the night. She is even back to fighting me at bed time. Up and down, up and down! Lord give me strength! It will take a few days to get her straightened out again!

I guess this brings me back to the one truth... if you fall off the horse get back up and ride! I have to persevere! "I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus" Phil 3:14 I know I have to go forward. If she is to get better I have to go forward. If I am to make it in... I must press forward! With my eyes on the mark, not looking to the right or the left! As complicated as my life has been... this is the constant! Pressing on! Like the farmer with his hand to the plow... I heard it once said the farmers believed God was working something out in them while they held the plow straight.
Work it out in me Lord. Whatever it is... work it out!