I woke up this morning in the typical manner. Lauren is heading off somewhere. Donnie is calling her name incessantly over and over. (Like she is going to respond there, Skippy) The only difference I felt like I was hung over. All morning I couldn't seem to get it together. It wasn't until just after noon that I realized what today was. 20 years ago today my dad passed away. Weird! I mean truly, where has the time gone? 20 years to some could be a lifetime. With that being the standard I have lived 2 lifetimes at this point...
The first 20 years I spent with him and the second 20 without. If I had to choose which 20 I would have to live over... the first 20, without a doubt! But, then there is the strange thing about not having Lauren and that isn't an option! Anyway, for many years there wasn't a day that went by I didn't think about him sometime during the day. At one point, it seemed I made a pledge to myself I would think about him daily no matter what! I never thought there would come a day I wouldn't think about him somewhere in the course of my day. But, life just happens. Even though I may not stop to think about him, he is with me everyday. He's in my daughter's name, in the little things I do I never realized was sooo my dad. When my dad was ready to go somewhere, man he was ready to go and he waited for no man or child...lol! There were many times I wasn't even in the car. My foot was still on the driveway and he was backing out. "Dad, what are you doing? I'm leaving!" He would reply. Well, alrighty then. Uhmmm, I have done this several times to my husband...lol!!!! Oh and when he was done talking on the phone he would hang up without saying goodbye. Once I called him back and asked him what happened. He said he was done talking. I told him I wasn't. His retort, "Well, I was." Oh, but this really doesn't apply to me... lol! Even though he's gone, I know it's cliche, but he will always be in my heart. He is why I am who I am today. My dad was dedicated to being faithful to the house of God. I am grateful he lead that example in front of me. He hated being late for anything. When I was younger I was notoriously late... but it's funny after I became a mom that dad gene kicked in and I hate being late for anything. Not saying I don't drag from time to time... don't we all?
I guess, this is only for one reason and one reason only... I miss my dad. They broke the mold when they made him. He worked even when he was sick to take care of his family. He never complained when he was in so much pain. He was never hurtful or uncaring. If he was talking it was important so we always listened. He worshipped my mother and would move heaven and earth to make her happy regardless the cost. When he was a boy he had a paper route and was hit by a car and spent several months in a body cast. After getting out he was helping with work on the house and fell off a ladder. The injury sustained cost him his hip bone. Dr removed the joint and fused it together. He missed 2 years of school. So, he decided to go back to graduate even though he was 2 years behind. Oh and believe it or not he walked to school everyday. He wanted to be an architect and was working 2 jobs and going to college when mom and dad were first married. When they found out my brother was on the way. He quit school and got on at the factory. When I asked him about it I didn't get why he didn't do what made him happy. He said, "it's not about being happy it's about taking care of your family!" I never understood why you couldn't have both. I guess, sometimes you just can't have both. After he passed, when I met people who had a bad experience with their fathers, I would feel guilty. I wouldn't share something thoughtful about him. I couldn't handle the look of longing or disdain. You know, it doesn't bother me anymore. I came to realize it's not my fault their dad wasn't a winner. Why should I feel guilty for something I have no control over. I am proud he is my dad and the only thing I would change.... he would be here, right now!
Well, someday, Lord willing I am going to see him again over there. Thank you Lord for blessing me with the most wonderful dad. How could I have asked for more?
The first 20 years I spent with him and the second 20 without. If I had to choose which 20 I would have to live over... the first 20, without a doubt! But, then there is the strange thing about not having Lauren and that isn't an option! Anyway, for many years there wasn't a day that went by I didn't think about him sometime during the day. At one point, it seemed I made a pledge to myself I would think about him daily no matter what! I never thought there would come a day I wouldn't think about him somewhere in the course of my day. But, life just happens. Even though I may not stop to think about him, he is with me everyday. He's in my daughter's name, in the little things I do I never realized was sooo my dad. When my dad was ready to go somewhere, man he was ready to go and he waited for no man or child...lol! There were many times I wasn't even in the car. My foot was still on the driveway and he was backing out. "Dad, what are you doing? I'm leaving!" He would reply. Well, alrighty then. Uhmmm, I have done this several times to my husband...lol!!!! Oh and when he was done talking on the phone he would hang up without saying goodbye. Once I called him back and asked him what happened. He said he was done talking. I told him I wasn't. His retort, "Well, I was." Oh, but this really doesn't apply to me... lol! Even though he's gone, I know it's cliche, but he will always be in my heart. He is why I am who I am today. My dad was dedicated to being faithful to the house of God. I am grateful he lead that example in front of me. He hated being late for anything. When I was younger I was notoriously late... but it's funny after I became a mom that dad gene kicked in and I hate being late for anything. Not saying I don't drag from time to time... don't we all?
I guess, this is only for one reason and one reason only... I miss my dad. They broke the mold when they made him. He worked even when he was sick to take care of his family. He never complained when he was in so much pain. He was never hurtful or uncaring. If he was talking it was important so we always listened. He worshipped my mother and would move heaven and earth to make her happy regardless the cost. When he was a boy he had a paper route and was hit by a car and spent several months in a body cast. After getting out he was helping with work on the house and fell off a ladder. The injury sustained cost him his hip bone. Dr removed the joint and fused it together. He missed 2 years of school. So, he decided to go back to graduate even though he was 2 years behind. Oh and believe it or not he walked to school everyday. He wanted to be an architect and was working 2 jobs and going to college when mom and dad were first married. When they found out my brother was on the way. He quit school and got on at the factory. When I asked him about it I didn't get why he didn't do what made him happy. He said, "it's not about being happy it's about taking care of your family!" I never understood why you couldn't have both. I guess, sometimes you just can't have both. After he passed, when I met people who had a bad experience with their fathers, I would feel guilty. I wouldn't share something thoughtful about him. I couldn't handle the look of longing or disdain. You know, it doesn't bother me anymore. I came to realize it's not my fault their dad wasn't a winner. Why should I feel guilty for something I have no control over. I am proud he is my dad and the only thing I would change.... he would be here, right now!
Well, someday, Lord willing I am going to see him again over there. Thank you Lord for blessing me with the most wonderful dad. How could I have asked for more?
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