I woke up this morning not thinking about when the next time he would cycle. I knew it was about time. But, I had been secretly hoping against hope he wouldn't this time.
But, this afternoon I heard the footsteps pounding down the stairs... here he comes... I took a deep breath. I held it in, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
It wasn't anything too monumental. He stood there and didn't say a word. I offered him some homemade salsa and a smile. No response.
I asked if he had trouble sleeping. No response. He stood over me as I sat at the table.
Speak for crying out loud!
Mercy!
Finally the barrage of smart comments and questions. He asked me several times if I went anywhere today. I told him each time, "No" I was losing patience quickly. But, by the time it was all said and done... Mom excused herself to leave the room ( I don't blame her) and I was wanting to pull my hair out.
This man isn't well and I am fading fast. For heaven's sake, get help!
I have done this torrid dance with him for 12 years now and I want to sit this one out. I can tell you all of the reasons I am here... but there are times I question my own responses.
I have friends and family that ask me "why are you still there?" I know I have lost friends because of the drama of my marriage. Although, I really don't care anymore what anyone thinks. I have my reasons and there is a method to my madness... you'll see!
But, the one thing I wonder... how much longer will this continue? How much longer will I be safe from another violent attack? How much more can I take? I am only one person... What am I expected to be? I am not Wonder Woman!
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