Hi, my name is Amy and I am not Wonder Woman!

When I was a kid I loved watching Wonder Woman. I mean, she could do anything! Flying in an invisible plane, danger and drama! Oh the hair, that smile and the boots! Wow! When she came to the rescue you knew evil would be foiled! No bad guy could stand a chance with that lasso! She would deflect any bullet with those bracelets!

But, we all know this isn’t reality. It’s a fairy tale. I’m no longer a little girl who can play outside for countless hours in the summer sun. Riding my bike to the corner store or down suicide hill. Dangling from the monkey bars or trying to see if my feet could touch the sky while on the swings. I’m no longer that young lady going to youth rally’s or the mall. Writing letters to friends (uh, yes those were the days before the internet) or talking on the phone for hours. I’m no longer the single woman finding her place in this world or just being with friends doing whatever… just being.

I am a mom… not your everyday garden variety mom. I have a child with autism and a speech disorder. Life isn’t simple. Nothing is easy. I have become high maintenance. I loath high maintenance! Everything has to be so-so or we all fall apart. Secretly inside I wish I were younger dealing with this. I haven’t the energy as I once did and I have questioned God why now? Why here? But, I get the same thing every time… silence. I think He wants me to figure it out on my own. Follow the bread crumbs, Amy. It’s not as hard as you think it is. But, really it is!

If you would have told me years ago this would be my life… I would probably say bring it on! I’m tough I can handle anything. Then again, I might have panicked with the thought! If someone would wave a magic wand and she would be “typical” I don’t think I would know how to act. As chaotic as it is, this is my life! She’s my daughter!  There isn’t anything about her I would change… unless it would be her food allergies. It’s just a bummer for her!

But, if I did have a magic wand and I could change anything. The only thing I would change is my level of support. I am doing this alone. My Mother is older and not able to assist me like she did my older siblings when their children were small. I am conflicted… I so need to have time to get out of this house. But, I feel guilty just thinking about it. Let’s just say I didn’t feel guilty. Who would watch her so I could go do something for me? Herein lies my dilemma.

With that said, I wanted to let everyone know, in case there was a little confusion about this. I am not a super hero. I am not Wonder Woman. I am not the Bionic Woman.

I am a mom. I am a woman. I am still Amy.

“Morning is coming!”

I woke up earlier than planned this morning. Although not by choice, our electricity for the entire street is out and as I was on the phone with the electric company reporting the outage I had to step outside to confirm both sides of the street were without power. Ironically, one lone house on the end of the street has lights. Must be nice! But, in the silence I heard the singing of what seemed like flocks of birds in the distance.

It’s amazing the lifestyle we have grown accustom to with all the bells and whistles all brought to you by the wonder of electricity. I noticed something was missing too… the hum and buzz associated with the power.

I tried to go back to bed seeing it was before 5:30am… there were more sleeping hours available.  But, in the distance I noticed the sweet sound of birds singing. They were signifying the coming dawn. I’ve heard them before when I have had to be out and about this early. They are always singing this early. I would venture to say they start about 2 hours before the break of the first ray of light.

If I had the internet (not powered by electricity) I would google this info and understand the significance of there early morning communications. But, sadly enough it’s not going to happen. But, what I can do is sit here and listen….. to the pilot light on the hot water heater, the tick of the wall clock, me tapping on the keys of my laptop and then the sweet song of these birds signing, “Morning, morning is approaching.”  But this would usually be drown out by the hum of modern conveniences blocking out the sound.

There is a spiritual application here. For everything in the natural there is a spiritual connection. Psalms says, “weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning”.

We have all endured sorrow. We have all cried and begged God for the light of morning to start anew. I think God created these little creatures to signify the approach of the coming dawn. But, sometimes all the bells and whistles drown out the sound of the “watchman on the wall”. There have been times I have begged to hear from God that my trial was over. I have looked and looked…. thinking to myself “why doesn’t He ever answer me?” My problem? I’m connected to another power source and I can’t hear Him. He has sent the song of the bird and I can’t hear it over the hum. “Morning is coming, morning is coming”

God where are you? Tweet, tweet, tweet…. Morning is coming, morning is coming… But God will this night ever end? Tweet, tweet, tweet…. I feel so all alone, in the dark…. tweet, tweet, tweet.  He was talking all along and I didn’t hear Him.

“Morning is coming, morning is coming!”