It's the Great Pumpkin Amy!

Well, I did it! I finally gave in and carved a pumpkin. I was thinking back trying to remember the last time I tried this. Well, it has to be more than 14 years ago... at least.
Let me say, it's not as easy as I remembered. Just for the record, I'm not a big fan of Halloween. I don't dress up or dress up Lauren. I did when she was really little... she was a black and white kitty! She was adorable! I guess I have trouble reconciling my beliefs with the practice of the holiday. I don't do horror and Lauren can't eat candy...so why bother anyways, right?
But, for those of you who do like trick or treating...if you want to celebrate...celebrate away. Just don't expect me to join in.
Which brings me to my pumpkin. I wanted to celebrate the fall season with my daughter. I thought this could be something we could share together. Aside from sensory issues, she seemed to enjoy the process. Would I do it again? I don't know. We will see next year.

Ok for you who like my pumpkin, I downloaded a template from Birds and Bloom, taped it to the pumpkin and traced away. The hard part was not having the correct tools. Always, always, always have the right tool for the job!
Happy Pumpkins!

She likes me, she likes me not.

I grew up in a very sheltered home per se. We lived within this little bubble of family, school and church. I learned from a very young age when I was at school not everyone would like me or enjoyed my company. Then not too long afterwards I realized the same about certain family members. With each revelation the knowledge of this became harder to take. But, life goes on. The only thing was I never felt this way at church. I always felt that everyone liked me and I returned the sentiment. Now, I am not an egotist. We are all God’s children and as the scripture states, if you don’t love him who you have seen, how can you love Him who you haven’t? 

It wasn’t until I was in my teens a new family started attending our church. One of the daughters didn’t like me. I mean… she didn’t like me at all. She tolerated me and made it painfully aware how she felt. This of course was the end of the bubble I had lived in. I was shook to the core! Why didn’t she like me? I couldn’t wrap my brain around it. I always assumed because we shared the same belief we were the same and for some crazy reason would love each other regardless of our likes or dislikes. Wasn’t that how it was suppose to be?

But, again life would go on… I started working. I was already prepared and I lied to myself on a regular basis it didn’t matter what others thought of me… “I am my own person!” Whatever! I knew deep inside it bothered me. Sometimes, you just have to let things go and take the good with the bad and say who cares and really mean it!

I do feel like I have had a grip on not really caring if I were liked for many years. I knew they were missing out! I am a great person to hang out with and I am a very loyal friend. Then my daughter was born. Of course who would ever dislike a baby, right? But, as she grew and we came to grips with her differences. We started seeing the looks, the shunning, the apparent dislike for being around her. It started with strangers, then family members… now here we are the final frontier! The great part is, I’m not sure if she even notices the looks of those that don’t want to sit with her. The little ones that act afraid of her. I’m grateful for her being unaware! But, I see it! I see too much and again it’s like a dagger all over again. Just like when I came to the realization that girl couldn’t stand me. I know I can’t protect her from hurt. I know this is part of life. But, I think my problem has always been… we are God’s children and this ought not to be. I should be able to trust you and know you won’t hurt me. When the world is swirling around us, there should be a refuge we can come to. A place of shelter from the hurts of everyday life. The house of God should be this place! I want to be an extension of this belief. I think I have had this experience to help me be prepared for those who come to us bearing the weight of pain and cold indifference. I want to be holding the light as a beacon. I have decided it doesn’t matter to me if you like me or my family. It doesn’t matter to me if you want to be my friend or not. I’m going to love those who want to be loved, those who don’t and all those in between. I’m going to teach Lauren to be oblivious to what others think and judge herself by what God thinks and be accountable to His word and those who are in authority over her. In the end, we have to give an account and I pray I am able to make the Lord proud I finally passed this test.

To ABA or not to ABA that is the question...

My girl has completed her first full week back in school after spending the past 2 years in an ABA program. The first year (10 months )was in a center with 1:2 ratio... in layman's terms, 1 teacher to 2 students. Then one full year of a combination of ABA and Natural Environment Training in an in home program. In Ohio we are blessed to have the Autism Scholarship. So when the public school systems are not equipped to teach your autistic child you can apply for the scholarship and use it instead of public schools. This is to ensure your child is being reached in the best way possible.

I will have to say, I am glad we didn't start "drill and kill" ABA with her too soon. I have heard how this increases some aggressive behavior. Mainly due to frustration. If I had to do it over again...I would have foregone the center approach and did two years in-home ABA. Each child is different... you need to listen to what they aren't saying. You really need to learn to be a detective with our kids. Since they aren't able to say what you need to know, you need to look for clues. It isn't easy that's for sure!

Recently what caused me to think of ABA began with a letter I received from a Dr. The letter helped me realize I did do the right thing by my daughter. This Dr specializes in developmental pediatrics. Her expertise is with autistic kids. So, for some reason I had this assumption she was an expert in the field. Why do I elevate my expectations of certain types of people? Ok another blog for another day!!

In this letter she was going over her findings from our appointment. Something she said sent up this read flag. Well, actually there was something she said in our meeting that got those wheels in my brain a turnin. She said two years of ABA was completely enough time to devote to ABA therapy. Then when I read her comment in the letter I again was seeing another red flag! She said the ABA therapy hadn't really made a difference in my child. Uhm?? How can you say this? You don't even know my daughter. You have seen her for only a few short minutes. You are seeing a snapshot of my autistic child in a new place, who was hungry and bored out of her mind... and you are going to judge her on that visit? Whatever!

My thoughts are this... ABA is a lifestyle. It's not always straight drill and kill sessions. It's coupled with Natural Environment Training with helping them find their way at their pace. I don't think she would be where she is if it weren't for caring people listening to what she couldn't say and reading her body language.

When I first started to research ABA from a parent's perspective I really didn't find too many things on the Internet. I think it's missing. Like how to set up a therapy room in your house. How to look for tutors. IEP's and assessments. I will try to share what I know. What has worked and what hasn't.

In my personal experience, I say yes to ABA! I'll take the good, the bad and the ugly of it all. To hear my daughter say I love you and point to an airplane in the sky! It has changed out lives for the better!